Letting Go of Separateness

A few years ago, my wife Jeanne and I were in the Columbia River area for a four-day spiritual retreat. As we left to come home on Sunday afternoon, we wanted to see some of the beautiful waterfalls on the way to Portland -- but discovered that hundreds of other tourists had the same idea!

As a result, we found ourselves stuck on the two-lane access road now packed with cars trying to park along the shoulder and visitors trying to walk a half-mile or so to each waterfall. But the amazing thing was that no one seemed to be getting impatient or upset! Instead, everyone seemed to want the very same thing -- just to have a good time and enjoy these beautiful natural surroundings with their loved ones.

In the midst of all the chaos, a family -- mom, dad and two daughters -- asked Jeanne to take their photo under the waterfall and she gladly agreed to do so.

But one of the girls became suddenly shy and didn't want to look at the camera so the father started to get impatient. But Jeanne said, there's no hurry, we don't have anywhere to go -- and started winking at the little girl and making her smile.

Jeanne asked the mom to return the favor and take our photo, too. I told the mom she had a such a beautiful family and she blushed -- but it was the truth!

Days later, when we were struggling with other crowds at the airport heading home, I realized what a magic moment we had earlier in the week and exactly where it had come from: For several hours after the retreat, that feeling of separation -- from God, ourselves and others -- was gone and our experience was simply being part of one big, happy, family reunion!

When I told this story to my friend John B., he said it reminded him of a similar thing that happened to him after attending the International Conference in Toronto in 2005.

He said when the event was over on Sunday afternoon, everyone took off their conference badges (and the fellowship that went with them) and trudged to the airport to head back home. While waiting at the gate with the other “grumpy” passengers, he happened to notice a 13-year-old girl nearby who was obviously feeling scared and isolated and seemed to be traveling alone.

Suddenly, someone said, "Hey, everybody! Bob is celebrating 12 years today!" -- and the whole crowd at the gate started singing "Happy Birthday" to Bob, including the "keep coming back" verses, etc. For the next 40 minutes until boarding time, all of these former “strangers” were jabbering with each other like long-lost friends! And the 13-year-old girl simply stared wide-eyed at all this, my friend said.

Of course, when the flight boarded, the teenage girl wound up sitting next to my friend John. She asked what all that singing was all about and so he explained how we celebrate each other's sobriety anniversaries in that way, to support and encourage each other.

"Holy Cow!" she said to John. "What if the WHOLE WORLD worked that way?" He told her that with the right “pair of glasses,” you could see things like that happening all the time. When she got off the plane in Tucson, she told John that she was really glad that she had run into him that day, saying: "I'm gonna remember this day for the rest of my life!"

So, I guess that's how life works. When we simply show up, fully present and ready to serve, the walls between us and the world come down and suddenly, there are no strangers. We discover it’s very good to be vulnerable because that’s how the love gets in -- and out, too.

And thanks to the spiritual leaders who helped put on our retreat -- and remind us how much we are all the same -- I will no doubt remember our weekend retreat at Skamania Lodge in Stevenson, Washington for the rest of my life, too.