Keeping Our Emotions "Right-Sized"
As human beings, we are meant to have feelings... sadness at a loss, disappointment when plans fall through, or even anger when we are wronged—these are not defects of character, but natural emotions that remind us we are alive and connected.
Yet for alcoholics like us, emotions can become distorted. What begins as a simple hurt can swell into resentment. A small frustration can turn into self-pity or rage. This is when ordinary feelings, left unchecked, become dangerous to our serenity and our sobriety.
The question is: How do we tell the difference?
One useful test is proportion. A normal feeling fits the size of the situation. If a friend cancels lunch, it’s natural to feel a moment of disappointment. But if we brood for days, rehearse grievances, or lash out, we can be certain that old fears and wounds have been stirred. In these moments, we are no longer reacting to the present but reliving the past.
Another test is usefulness. Healthy feelings tend to pass; they move us toward acceptance, toward connection. Distorted ones isolate us, disturb our peace, and make us unfit for service. Left unchecked, they block us from God and others.
The program gives us a way to deal with this. The Tenth Step invites us to take regular stock of our emotions: Where was I selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or afraid? By asking these questions, we can sort out the natural from the exaggerated. And when we find ourselves trapped in the old pattern, we have tools: prayer, sharing with another member, and making amends if we’ve caused harm.
A simple daily practice can help. When a strong feeling arises, we pause and ask: What just happened? Is my feeling in proportion to the situation? Is an old fear being touched? Then we turn to God with a short prayer: “Thy will, not mine, be done. Please show me the truth here.” Often that pause is enough to bring our emotions back to size.
In the heat of the moment, a single-line prayer can work wonders: “God, help me see this as it really is, and not through the eyes of my fear or pride.” This little request places the matter in God’s hands and helps restore perspective.
The point is not to rid ourselves of human feelings. Rather, it is to let them serve their rightful purpose without allowing them to rule us. When we bring proportion, prayer, and honesty to our emotional life, we discover that even our hurts and disappointments can become stepping stones to spiritual growth.
-- Michael Powers
